Barriers

That Little Voice

A locked door, an enclosed yard, separate rooms in a house, even a back turned to you can be a way of saying ‘stay in’ or ‘stay out’.

I’m talking about barriers: why I have them, how I use them, their benefits, their effectiveness, what I’m hiding, or what I’m trying to control or corral.

Barriers are used for security, privacy, exclusion, confinement, designation, boundaries, imprisonment, and closure. And they are identified in different ways: physically, emotionally, mentally, and visually.

Some barriers work, some don’t, but whatever type of obstacle used, it sends a message of welcome or exclusion.

For instance, a backyard fence may allow children or pets to play but be confined in a limited space, or maybe it is to block someone from sneaking into your home. Perhaps you don’t want the neighbors to get a peek at you sunning near your pool.

Whatever your reason for having the fence, it is a statement of come in and/or do not enter.

But it is the mental and emotional barriers creating a challenge to figure out. What part of me have I enclosed in a room, locked the door, and hoped never to see again? What pain am I hiding? What secret do I not want revealed, even to myself? What am I sharing with some, but excluding from others?

I wrap myself in self-pride acting as though I am ‘open’ in my dealings with people, yet I know there are secrets hidden in a protective space within my soul.

So, I wonder how uninformed am I about myself. How difficult is it to admit I’ve been married four times, I’ve been bankrupt, I’ve not been an understanding friend, not all my business ventures have been successful?

And why do I want to keep what I consider my failures a secret?

I’m fearful people will see my vulnerabilities, know my weaknesses, exploit my position, leaving me powerless and helpless. And the reality is we all have those imperfections we dread to admit or acknowledge, thinking we will be safer if we keep those failings buried.

The funny thing is those personal deficiencies and flaws I hate to expose are the very things that make me real, approachable, and human. Hiding who I am is a barrier to keep me in and others out, to block people knowing me, and isolating myself from personal and profound connections.

I remember my Dad once telling me, I might lie to others about myself, but always be truthful with yourself about who you are. I have not always followed that advice, but when I do I find unexpected friendships, often with unknown parts of myself.